Be Here Now

It is amazing how art can lift the spirit. I watched Fierce Grace, the documentary about Baba Ram Dass after his stroke. It reminded me that I am human and this is my life that I am living. It is not a melodrama that is directed through a vague blog. It is a living breathing thing. It reminded me that my journey is my own and that if I need to know if I should turn left or right I need only ask myself. There is no answer to what I seek that lies outside of me. I know what is in my heart and I shouldn’t be afraid of it. I know what is in my soul. It isn’t just light and pretty images, there is darkness there too.

I will stumble and fall, but there is beauty in suffering, truth in loneliness. It seems the best artwork, and deepest human discovery come out of periods of difficulty in human life. This has been the hardest period of my life, the last year, and it has birthed an entirely new person. I am shedding my old self like a snake skin. In fact, what is old, or previous inherently cannot be here… it is gone. What I run from, it isn’t always so bad. It is ok to actually live my life instead of trying to distract myself from the reality of it because I am too scared of what the future might hold. It is ok to be here now.

I am going to get that book and read it. In spite of my sometimeish scepticism, there is something about this man, as many have felt that draws me. I don’t like some of the things he says, but I will still quiet and listen to them. I think it must be his conviction. It’s hypnotic. I am suddenly very curious to read a book that so many seem to have gotten so much out of. I would like to start it and take my time reading it.

Another thing I would like to do is stop expecting things and just try something. Instead of trying to map out the best path toward becoming a journalist, I think I will just write, edit, send out, explore and continue. I will blog, try new sources, tire temporarily, and then write more. I will simply keep on engaging in the art. That is the path. I have asked others and myself and I think the answer is to just do it. I will face rejection and dryspells, triumph and recognition. This is the course of life.

I may seem happy talking about suffering, but I just remembered that life isn’t about avoiding everything that frightens you. The things you are most scared of, or hesitant about can sometimes be the most important experiences.

I love the human psyche. I just wrote a blog about loneliness. This blog is also about loneliness but in an entirely different way. It is amazing how a small shift in perception can put a new spin on gray.

Message: I am here

I was sitting on my balcony wondering what is real

I stopped for a moment. The whole world stopped. And I realised that I am always travelling. This whole life is a journey into the mind. And out of the mind we create the world that lies in front of us. The world we always see, it is nothing more than what we think we see. It is no more real that a unicorn. Deep inside there a vision, a construct that directs the path of what we see. What we think we see. But it is all a construct.

The truth lies in the broken ridges in between our thoughts. The imperceptible real. I lie in those ridges. Planning from moment to moment. But it is the ‘from’ that lies in between the moment that is real. As we struggle to realize the meaning of what lies between the moments, that is the truth. My life is no more real than what I think I see, what I plan to see.

When I am broken, out pops the truth. The things you automatically think matter, never really do. Instead, there is something so deep you can only touch it, never express it. I have always been concerned with where I would travel, not seeing that getting there is life.